


The Harry Styles Crackfic

by CaptainBrookeworm, CoolerMudkip



Category: Austin & Ally, One Direction (Band), Real Person Fiction, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, iCarly
Genre: BROOKE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING CHUNNEL IS, Crack, Crack Crossover, F/M, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Outer Space, RPF, Raid: Shadow Legends, Road Trips, Sorry Not Sorry, Suffer Like We Did Writing This, Walmart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25276609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainBrookeworm/pseuds/CaptainBrookeworm, https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoolerMudkip/pseuds/CoolerMudkip
Summary: "But as we were driving across this English channel thesre was suddenly a spaceship next to us!!!! 'omg a spaceship I love spaceships!' I exclaimed. 'Ive always wanted to go to space!!!!!!!!~' Harry agreed so we jumped onto the spaceship. "This was a two part crack fic written by me and a friend in a competition to out-weird each other about 6 months ago, an archive of the times before our current COVID days. Chapter 1 was by me, and Chapter 2 was by Brooke.This was inspired by my favorite hilarious 2012 Wattpad trope: One Direction buying the protagonist.
Relationships: Harry Styles/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 5





	1. Written by Me

I woke up at 8am because it was my first day of school to my mom booming from downstairs “WAKE UP YOU DUMB BITCH” I hate my mom because she’s like so totally mean but I deiced to take her breakfast and elavie so I wasn’t late to school. As I was walking there I accidentally tripped into a bush and got twigs stuck In my hair like an anime character :3 when I got there I was like “time to give up on school” so I faired all my tests and went home  
“THIS IS IT” mom yelled at me when I got home “I’M GETTING RID OF YOU” I didn’t know what that meant so I deided to go look in the mirror and look at my deep mossball colored vision spheres that I use to see things. When I got back out my mom screamed at me “THIS IS YOUR NEW OWNER.” “WHATT?????” I said and then looked towards the door

“Ello love” harry styles said, standing in the doorway with his characteristic pouty face that he makes when he’s in one direction (he’s from one direction) “NO MOM I DON’T WANNA BE SOLD TO HARRY STYELS” too bad my mom said and signed the “you’re now owned by harry styles” contract and I was horrified to see that I was now owned by harry styles (one direction) “GET YOUR THINGS STUPUD BITCH” my mom said with loud anime yelling makrs coming out of her mouth. I went upstairs and pakced the necklace my grandmother got and inside it said “I love one direction” and hid it in my ripped jeans pocket and put on my white hoodie which I use to cosplay jeff the killer XD!!!! Anyway I sadly walked down the stairs towards my fate of being harry styles owned sorry I don’t know the proper way to write that anyway he was like “ELLO GOV’” and I was like “I hate you for agreeing to buy me from my mom” harry styles laughed, “well your mom was a dumb bitch anyway so I think this is gonna be better for you in the long run anyway” I didn’t agree with this so I tried to punch him but he dodged me and then laughed again (like he does when he’s in one direction) anyway I had to go with him, my mo m counting her money while laughing and drinking beer that she bought with some of the selling me money on the way out  
We got in his car “wow this is like a lamberguni” I said with shock “yeah I can afford lots of nice things because I was in one direction, luv” harry styles said while smiling at me “wow but I still hate you” I said while crossing my arms and being mad  
“you’ll come around some day British catchphrase” harry stiles said as we drove away towards the sunset while he smiled and was very happy because he finally had a daughter (that he bought) (he’s in one direction) my mom was probably happy idk she doesn’t matter anymore because harry styles :3  
Eventually the car ran out of gas so we stopped at a Walmart and then he was like “I hate Walmart because it’s course and rough and it gets everywhere” I said while staring away from him into the isles of clothes and lays chips and other things I like a Walmart I guess “I have 6 trillion dollars in my bank account because I like being straight and straight people give me money luv governor cherrio” “I don’t like cheerios” I said while crossing my arms and huffing loudly “you’re so funny luv” harry said while looking at a bag of kit kats minis (not sponsored I just like those) but also I think we should play raid shadow legends for 6000 free gold if we start an account today!!!! (actually sponsored by raid shadow legends they gave me $2000 to include this line) anyway we decided to shoplift because even if we got caught harry stiles (from one direction) would just pay off the cops :3  
After that we left the walamrt and filled up our gas tank and decided to steal candy from a baby because that’s really funny and I’m gonna turn edgy on the next page so I’m trying to do a character arc into that as well or whatever “I like govorners luv desu senpai desu chan cheerio mate governor luv luv luv” harry stiles said and then fell on the groud repeating British catchprhases over and over again and I was like “what is going on” and then he was like “cheerio” and passed out. I guess I’m on my own I said out loud and then put him in the car and continued to burn my eyes driving into the sunset but it was difficult to turn around because that was in the direction of my home where my mom was and harry styles (from one direction) and I just drove away from there and it would be dumb to go back and waste our full tank of gas I looked in the car mirror and saw my amber colored hair and wondered if I should dye it a cooler color so then I could look cooler because this is so boring I think so I decided to stop at a target and buy hair dye and then it was time for a makeover montage! Austin from Austin and ally was there and he was like “your hair looks cool now hey wait is that harry styles” and harry styles said nothing because he still hadn’t woken up which was sad. Eventually he did wake up and we decided to drive over a lamppost on the way out as we drove “we should go to paris govoner” harry stiles said abnd then we decided to go across the chunnel in our car because trains are stupid and I hate trains.


	2. Written by Brooke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> taking a moment here to note that brooke thought that "chunnel" was a misspelling of "channel" and assumed i had simply decided they would drive across the ocean in their car

But as we were driving across this English channel thesre was suddenly a spaceship next to us!!!! “omg a spaceship I love spaceships!” I exclaimed. “Ive always wanted to go to space!!!!!!!!~” Harry agreed so we jumped onto the spaceship.  
(Carly’s POV)  
Carly welcomes you and Harry Styles aboard her spaceship, but then remembers she is claustrophobia and jumps into the car but then it sinks because only harry styles can drive on the englihs channel because Carly is not englihs XD  
(My POV)  
So now Harry Stlyes was the captain of the ship because Carly from iCarly jumped into the English channl. “Shouldn’t we save her? I asked but Harry said “no luv~ I don’t need two daughters I just need the one (that I bought).” So Harry Styles was the captain because he was my owner and he said we should go to space I’ve always wanted to go to space so I said sure and off we went to space~~~~~!!!! We were going through space but then we were caught in a wspace battle between the Empire and the Sepratists from Star Wars. “Roger rogger” said the speratisits robots or whatever they were called XD. The empier shot the separetists and shot at me and harry styels~!~~~~~!! But Harry Styles was a great pilot so he flew us out of danger. We shot the Empire ship wich was the big death star thing and the ship blew up! Haha take that Matthew that’s for yelling at me when I touched your stupid death star model! We decided to destroy the whole Star Wars so that Matthew and my mum would be mad and upset cause they’re bot hmean to me. He blew up the separatists and then the rebels and then the lego jar jar and then rey just as she was about to kiss kylo ren ha ha bitch he’s mine now. “No!” Harry said, blowing up Kylo ren “Ur mine~” so then we blew oup all of the Star Wars and Matthew and MY mum were sad and upse t and weren’t mean to me anymore cause they waer so sad they died XD.  
Then suddenly there was a another ship!! I twas the rest of one direction~ “Harry why did you leave one direction and uby a girl! We are going to force you to make music for us again and return the girl to her mom!” “No! I said!” My mom was dead I couldn’t go back to her unless I wanted to live on my own which might be fun I guess but I wanted to be harry styles daughter!!! He bought meee!!!! “No! Ibought her she is my daughter and her mom is dead form the sad.”  
“Too bad! We’re fighting now!” I did not one direction to fight so I gave a big speech and they were so impressed they laid down their weapons and we were all friends and then I was all of their daughters!


End file.
